Well-being tip #4: What I have learnt with cancer

Today is a happy day for me. Yesterday I finished my chemotherapy and I am now officially in remission. That’s why I have decided to write this blog. If you have been recently diagnosed with cancer, I hope it helps you to see some aspects of cancer as a blessing instead of a curse. Like one of my mentors says, it is all about perspective.

I learnt that most of my problems were not real problems, at least not to me anymore

The cancer ‘package’ is not always just about survival. There is also chemotherapy (and all the side effects – many which are long-term), and for many women treatment also includes being in early menopause and not being able to conceive a baby. The physical and psychological effects are severe, and sometimes we might not recognise the person in the mirror at the end of treatment. Before my diagnosis, I was worried about job security in research and being bullied at work. I thought those were real problems, and I invested a significant amount of time and health dealing with them. After my diagnosis, these problems became minor. Please don’t take me wrong, they were still problems and were still affecting my health, but nothing compared to what the cancer package did to me. Other minor problems such as not agreeing with my partner or friend, worrying about traffic, etc take their real dimension. That’s why it is all about perspective! These days I still get upset about other non-cancer things, but this feeling doesn’t last for long because I know now life has much more to offer.

I learnt to have patience, with myself, my treatment and others

I used to have so much energy, but I had to learn to pace myself. I couldn’t do as much at home or at work as I used to. I had to learn my limitations and adapt my life accordingly. I learn that having a clean and organised house wasn’t priority, and that replying emails in the morning instead of 10 pm would not change anything at work.

We also need to have patience with our treatment, as not everything goes according to plan. I had a total of 6 weeks of delay during chemo, due to low blood counts. I had no control over my bone marrow and how many cells it was willing to produce, so I had to learn to respect my body and let it heal on its own time.

Finally, I developed patience with others, especially with the ones closest to my heart. I learnt to stop over-analysing everything people said. Most were just trying to make me feel better anyway. But remember that they haven’t lived what we have gone through, and because of that they will never understand us 100%. Also it might be hard for us to understand them. For example, other people’s problems are still real, and not acknowledging them might hurt our loved ones. It is not because we had a life threatening disease that nothing else matters. Some might be embarrassed to complain about their problems, so remember to tell and show them that their problems matter to you too.

I learnt a lot about myself

Before the diagnosis, I have the traditional vague ovarian cancer symptoms. After the diagnosis, I learnt to always listen to my body. No pain, bloating, etc is normal if it is persistent. I am now in syntony with my body, to the point that as soon as chemo was injected in my veins I could taste it in my mouth. I know now which symptoms that tell me something is not quite right.

I also learnt a lot about my personality. When I was feeling unwell, I learn to say ‘no’ to things that were not priority in my life or that I didn’t like, without feeling conscious about it. I learn to have a vision about my future and my priorities.

I learnt to see beauty where I never thought it was possible before

As any other women, I was terrified of losing my hair with chemo. Even more terrified of losing my eyebrows, but this was all inevitable! So I searched online for ways around it, how to disguise each part of the chemo/cancer look. And I like to think it worked. But I also think I changed my way of looking at it. Of course I would prefer to have hair and never had to go through this, but I don’t mind being bald anymore. I still recognise myself when I look in the mirror, and I see someone beautiful and happy. I like the different looks I have learnt to create with makeup and scarves, wigs, beanies and caps. Mostly, I have accepted it is temporary, and that beauty is not only in the looks, it is who you perceive yourself and the beautiful life you have been offered.

I learnt to appreciate every single day of my life

Again it is all about perspective! Being diagnosed with a life threatening disease like cancer made me appreciate being alive every single day. I have been enjoying life (and loving it) like never before. Every day is a beautiful day, full of new opportunities, and there is always something good (even when I was pricked 5 times to be injected chemo). It can be in the form of a message, a warm and sunny day (my favourite!), a compliment, a meal that someone cooked for you, sleeping well (or even having a bed!). (Please check my tip on keeping a grateful diary)

I learnt I can be happy, no matter what

I think that was my biggest lesson! If you have great people in your life, you can be happy even when your world is falling into pieces! I am very grateful for the amazing partner, family, friends, mentors and work colleagues I have. They are not perfect, but neither I am!

I hope all of us can appreciate the lessons cancer teaches us, and use them for the best.

Let me know if you think I have missed anything else!

Fran xo