Helping A Loved One Through Cancer
The topic of cancer is one that has left a personal mark on myself and my family. My aunt is currently dealing with the effects of a lifetime of smoking and has recently had her larynx removed due to recurrent throat cancer. My grandfather passed from colon cancer and my mother and grandmother both suffered with cervical cancer. That’s why I decided to share what I have learnt about helping someone we love going through cancer.
It’s difficult to watch loved ones struggle with cancer treatment, including treatments that have challenging side effects such as chemotherapy. They may also be battling depression and despair. They need your support now. If you are uncertain what to do, here are some ways you can help them.
Before You Offer To Help
While the idea of jumping right in may feel great, you need to be considerate of their feelings and wishes, especially if they need space and time to work out their emotions. Read more tips on how to prepare yourself from Cancer.net.
Providing Support
Your loved one is probably going to need some obvious examples of help. Don’t just wait for them to ask. Think about their regular routine and what’s changed, then jump in to do what they need. As we wrote in our previous blog, this can include:
Getting them to and from medical appointments.
Delivering healthy homemade meals if they cannot cook.
Running errands, like picking up medication.
Providing childcare so they can get some rest.
Read six more ways you can help your loved one from the Gaiam.com. Some are simpler than you might have thought, but they would mean a lot for your loved one!
Listening To Their Concerns
The value of listening to your loved one right now cannot be overstated. They need someone to really hear them. Be careful not to push them into “positivity.” In fact, evidence that keeping a positive attitude improves survival rates for cancer is weak. But keeping a positive attitude has been associated with higher adherence to treatment and healthier lifestyles, which may influence the treatment outcome.
Let them release their emotions even if they are negative. They need to let them out. Supporting them to talk to a counsellor or someone else outside their family or friends circle is also a good idea as they might feel more comfortable to discuss difficult issues such as treatment outcome.
Remember that it’s OK to feel awkward and uncomfortable. And keep in mind that you can’t cure them and you shouldn’t make promises that they will recover. Your presence is enough but while you are there, try to remain positive for when they can’t be.
And finally, if you’re uncertain what to say, Sloan Kettering Cancer Center has some advice: take your cues from your loved ones. They may not want to talk about their illness because they don’t want to let it define them. And that’s okay, because they are much more than just a cancer patient. They are unique and wonderful people - so remember yourself but also them about it.
Keeping Them Safe
It’s also important to keep your loved ones safe through this process. They can struggle with some very dangerous risks including:
Suicide Research shows that cancer patients have a 55 percent greater risk of suicide. Learn the warning signs and how to get help.
Depression Depression can often be missed in cancer patients since it can be mistaken for a side effect of treatment. Talking about death, despair, or hopelessness can be a warning sign of depression.
Addiction Be mindful of your friend or family member’s use of painkillers and the dangers of addiction. Many cancer patients experience pain and may be prescribed opioids such as Vicodin. Read more about how to help if you suspect there is a problem in this post from DrugRehab.Org.
If you notice any behaviours that might indicate your loved one is further suffering with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, help them seek emergency care via your local hospital or the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800.273.TALK (US), +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK) or 13 11 14 Lifeline (Australia).
When You’re The Caregiver
Whether you are the primary caregiver for someone you care about or just filling in some caregiver duties, it’s important to take care of yourself as well. Be sure to stay healthy and do things that you enjoy. Get more information about your caregiver role in this article from the American Cancer Society.
Finally, if your loved one is coping with a terminal diagnosis, read advice on how to handle your own emotions to better help them from Prevention Magazine.
Supporting a friend or family member that you care about through cancer is a good idea but a little planning and self-care can make all the difference in helping them get through it.
I hope this helps you to support your loved one through one of the toughest moment in your lives!
Scott
